Do You Believe in Heaven?
by fanofrandy
Summary: Johnny is asked a question at the scene of a horrible tradgedy. What is his answer? WARNING:some language, reference to child sexual abuse. NOTE: The song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan references-released in the 90's-it is fiction, right? COMPLETED!
1. Chapter 1

Title: Do you believe in Heaven?

By: FanofRandy

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Emergency! is owned by Universal and Mark VII Productions

Summary: On the scene of a rescue, Johnny is asked a question that he is unsure how to answer. But, by the time all is said and done, he knows the answer for himself. NOTE: Based on the song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan (I know the song was not written until 1997..but, come on, this is all fiction, right?)

WARNING: the topic of child molestation, physical and sexual abuse is touched upon in this story.

Johnny parked his Rover in its normal spot and saw that nearly everyone else had already arrived, except Roy, his partner of four years. Johnny stretched out a yawn and remembered the long weekend he had spent with his partner's family. They had such a great time; they knew it would be hard to return to work the next day. Johnny thought for a moment, "_Maybe Roy called in so he could have one more day off with the kids_." The beginning of summer break was always a special time for the DeSotos—they just loved being together as a family. And, Johnny was honored to be included.

Just as Johnny opened the door to get out, Roy's car made the turn into the station lot. Johnny waved and smiled as he made his way into the back door and through the day room and equipment bay to the locker room to dress for the shift. As he opened his locker, he put up a new photo taken that weekend of he and Jenny DeSoto—she was sitting on her Uncle Johnny's shoulders and waving at her mother who was in charge of the camera at that time. "Boy," Johnny said aloud to no one in particular, "she sure is getting big." "Who's getting big", Chet asked, overhearing the verbal thoughts of his friend. "Oh, did I say that out loud? I was just talking about Jenny, Roy's daughter. She is ten now…such a bright, young lady." "Well, Gage," Chet chimed, "I guess your charm works on chicks no matter how old they are, huh?"

"HEY," Roy yelled, "Don't be callin' my little girl a chick!" Chet, a little flustered said, "Oh, sorry Roy…it's just that I can't see what Jenny sees in this guy" leaning his head toward Johnny. Johnny paid him no mind…he was still looking at the picture and remembering the wonderful time they had camping and canoeing. He could not wait for the next time. "Hey, Roy," Johnny said, finally out of his daze, "thought you were gonna miss roll call." The men just both smiled a knowing smile and nodded to each other. They finished getting ready and reported to roll call.

They had gotten no runs all morning so the chores went quickly. John and Roy calibrated the Squad's gear, called in to Rampart and checked their supplies. They decided to make a supply run to Rampart and told Cap they would be back in a little while. "Some weekend, huh?" Johnny said to Roy as they drove to Rampart. "Yeah, it was something, Junior. Our first outing of the summer is always a great one. The kids really enjoyed having you there, Johnny. I think Chet is right, you have really charmed my daughter. She did not leave your side the whole weekend. Swimming, basketball, canoeing, she was glued right to you." Johnny thought he heard some disappointment in his partner's voice.

"Well, Roy…the kids get to be with you all the time. How often do I get to spend a whole weekend with them? Jenny probably just thought I needed looking after since I am always getting myself into hot water, right?" Johnny's comment brought a smile to Roy's face and he knew that Roy was not mad at him for monopolizing his daughter the whole time.

It was amazing to Johnny, and to other adults who knew him and watched him with kids, that he got along so great with kids—better than he did with most adults. Heck, Johnny was just a big kid himself, so that probably explained everything right there. They pulled up to Rampart and both jumped out. Johnny grabbed the Handie-Talkie and they entered the emergency room doors. Dixie was at the supply desk as they walked up and she was smiling and whistling. "Having a good morning, Dix" asked Roy. "Yeah, pretty good, Roy. How 'bout you guys?"

Roy and Johnny smiled and both said, "Pretty good" almost at the same time. After gathering their needed supplies, Roy looked around for Johnny. He knew his partner was usually flirting with the nurses or up in the pediatric unit playing with the kids. "_What is it with Johnny and kids?_" Roy wondered. "_They are naturally drawn to him and he is at home in their presence."_ Before he could begin to wonder which option Johnny had chosen, the doors of the elevator opened and he saw Johnny saying goodbye to a rather cute young woman. "Did you get her number, Junior?" "What?", Johnny asked, lost in his thoughts. "Oh, no," he replied, "it's not what you think. That was Callie. She is a nurse in pediatrics and we were just discussing the party they are having next month for the children. I am in charge of story-telling and refreshments. It should be a really fun time for everyone."

After saying goodbye to Dixie and waving a hello/goodbye to Dr. Brackett as he flew past them, they returned to the Squad. "Squad 51, returning to quarters," Johnny reported over the radio to dispatch. "10-4 Squad 51, LA" came the response. Before they were even two blocks from Rampart, the tones sounded…

"Station 51, Station 8, Station 110, Squad 28, respond to a structure fire at 1907 Carson Way…1-9-0-7 Carson Way, Time out, 11:35." "Squad 51, responding from Rampart Emergency, 10-4", Johnny replied as he and Roy put on their helmets.

Johnny got a cold feeling in the pit of his stomach as he realized why that address was familiar…"Roy, that is the LA County Children's Home. I volunteer there once a month. They house over 200 children in foster care there. This is not going to be good, Pally." Roy swallowed hard; he knew that Johnny particularly had a hard time with calls that included injured children or children in peril. And, with having his own children, it was hard for him to maintain his professional composure as well. He prayed the children were all out of the building and safe…though with the start of summer break from school, he knew that all of the children were probably in the building at the time the fire started. He felt himself willing the Squad to go faster…

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Do you believe in Heaven? Chapter 2

By: FanofRandy

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Emergency! is owned by Universal and Mark VII Productions

Summary: On the scene of a rescue, Johnny is asked a question that he is unsure how to answer. But, by the time all is said and done, he knows the answer for himself. NOTE: Based on the song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan (I know the song was not written until 1997..but, come on, this is all fiction, right?)

WARNING: the topic of child molestation and sexual abuse is touched upon in this story.

They arrived to see that the engines were already on the scene and the first floor fire was spreading quickly. There was a "coordinated chaos" of children, staff, and firemen swirling around the area. Roy and Johnny quickly readied themselves with their turnout coats and SCBA's; the awaited Cap's orders. They had not waited long when they heard the cry "Roy, John, come on men…" Roy and Johnny practically RAN to Cap's side. "Men, there are at least 10 children missing and an employee—the janitor. The fire began in the basement and has quickly moved up through the walls. This old building is going to go quickly…we need to get any survivors out of there FAST. Get in and get out!"

Johnny put his breathing mask on and replaced his helmet as he rushed toward the front entry. He saw Roy close on his heels as he entered the smoke-filled building. "_Ten children could be anywhere when they are scared_", Johnny thought. "Well, Junior, you know this building…where do we start?" taking his cue from what Johnny had said about volunteering there once a month. "There are only two floors, and a basement. You go up and I will search this floor," Johnny said, knowing that the layout of the second floor was simple and less 'maze-like' than the first floor. Johnny was glad that both he and Roy had grabbed a Handie-Talkie. He remembered a few times in the past when they separated and they always thought they should have each had a radio.

Roy took off up the stairs and Johnny began searching the offices. With each door, he felt for heat and then opened if it was safe. He had searched four offices when he heard Roy on the HT, "Engine 51, this is HT 51. I have found 9 children on the second floor all huddled in a group on the west side of the building. Request assistance to guide them out." "Engine 51 to HT 51. Roy, I am sending Chet and Marco. They will come assist you. John, have you found the other child or staff member yet?" Johnny, grateful that most of the children had been found safe answered, "Negative, Cap. I have still have six more offices to search and…" before he could finish his sentence a movement caught the corner of his eye. "Engine 51 to HT 51, Roy, evacuate the children with Marco and Chet. Gage, continue searching until you hear the signal." Johnny knew that the building was going fast…the signal would be a loud siren to announce to all firefighters and personnel to evacuate the building immediately. He hoped he would find the last child and the janitor before that happened. "10-4 Engine 51—HT 51 continuing search", Johnny responded.

Johnny turned his attention toward the movement he had seen a few moments before. There was a door open to the basement. He had only been in the basement once—during the initial tour of the facility. He thought that the woman just showed it to him because of his profession. He thought she probably did not show just every volunteer the basement. He walked toward the door and something drew him to go down the steps. He knew the fire had started in the basement and that going down there was a bad idea…but, he had seen something hadn't he? He proceeded, walking slowly and taking his time on the wooden stairs.

He saw flames at the far end of the room as he entered. He saw the pour pattern—a pattern left behind when an accelerant like gasoline or kerosene is used to start a fire. "_This was deliberate"_, he thought to himself. "_How could someone want to burn a place where children lived for goodness sake?"_ He did not have time to finish his thoughts as he once again saw movement to his left. When he turned he saw a man leaning over what looked like the body of a child. At first, he thought the child was injured and the man was helping…"_the missing child and janitor_", thought Johnny. He was happy he had found them and started walking toward them. He soon realized that the man was not helping the child, but actually trying to put something on the child's face—it was a pillow or large blanket. Reacting on sheer emotion and adrenaline, Johnny ran toward the man and tackled him as he began to make contact with the child's face.

Both Johnny and the man came down HARD on the floor. The impact knocked the wind out of Johnny and he saw the man stand up. Johnny's face mask had been pushed off to the side and he yelled at the man, "What in the hell were you doing?" Johnny thought the man looked confused and frightened…but, there was something else there—something sinister. "She was gonna tell. She was gonna tell what I did to her. I couldn't let her tell", the man said. Johnny looked down and saw that the child on the floor was a little girl, about 8 or 10 years old. She was unconscious and had blood on her head, face and clothing. Her clothes were disheveled and then he noticed there was a small cot in the corner of the room.

"What did you do to her?" Johnny ask, no wanting the answer. He could feel the fire getting closer and he heard the ominous creaking of the ceiling above him, telling him that time was short. "What in the hell did you do?" Johnny demanded. "I just tried to stop her. I didn't mean to hurt her. But, when she fell and hit her head, I thought she was dead. So, I started the fire and when I came back after helping some people get out, she was starting to wake up…she couldn't survive and tell everyone what I had done to her. So, I was going to finish the job." Johnny was incensed. His emotion took over and he lunged toward the man again…pushing him up against a load-bearing post. Johnny once again heard the creaking of the old building and he knew this time, it meant business.

Johnny looked at the man for a moment and the next second he dove toward the little girl lying on the floor; covering her body with his just as the whole first floor gave way and crashed down upon them…

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Do you believe in Heaven? Chapter 3

By: FanofRandy

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Emergency! is owned by Universal and Mark VII Productions

Summary: On the scene of a rescue, Johnny is asked a question that he is unsure how to answer. But, by the time all is said and done, he knows the answer for himself. NOTE: Based on the song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan (I know the song was not written until 1997..but, come on, this is all fiction, right?)

WARNING: the topic of child molestation and sexual abuse is touched upon in this story.

Roy was the first to notice…he heard the same sound Johnny had. He saw that everyone had exited the building, after the warning siren, EXCEPT Johnny. "Cap, Johnny's still in there!" he cried out. The Captain tried to get Johnny on the HT…"Engine 51 to HT 51, do you read?"

The other paramedics on the scene were caring for the children who were just brought out by Roy, Marco and Chet. Chet was making funny faces to help ease the children's anxiety. "Erin is still in there," a little voice offered. "Erin?" Chet asked, "Who is Erin?" "My friend. She is down in the basement with Mr. Jenkins. He takes her down there on Mondays when there is no school." Chet did not like the sound of that. "What is your name?" he inquired of the child. "Lisa. He takes me down there on Wednesdays." Chet was at a loss for words. "Can you tell me what you do in the basement, Lisa?" "Things…" was all she said. That was enough for Chet.

Chet raced to where Roy and Cap were standing. They were staring at the building and Cap was trying to reach Johnny on the HT. Chet shared what he knew, "Cap. There is a little girl over there who says that a Mr. Jenkins takes little girls down to the basement and does 'things' to them. I think Johnny is in the basement."

Just as the words came, the most horrible sound they could possibly hear that day (other than that of a small child telling of her abuse) came from the building. They all stood in disbelief as the first floor gave way and caved into the basement. "NO, Roy…you can't go in there!" Cap and Chet were grabbing at his arms as he tried to go after his partner who was now trapped. "We will find him, Roy. Don't worry. We will find him and the child." Caps words fell on Roy like a hot, wet blanket.

The Battalion Chief arrived and Cap filled him in on what they thought had happened. The Chief ordered crews to run hoses and continue to work on the fire from the outside and for Station 51 and Station 8 to begin search and rescue as soon as it was safe to re-enter the building.

"Cap. Do you realize what Chet just told us?" Roy asked. "Yes, Pal, I do. He told us that there is a child molester in that building with Johnny and a little girl" Cap confirmed. "If there was ever a time to pray, this is certainly one of those times", Cap sighed. Roy watched as the hose crews battled the flames. He waited impatiently for the all-clear to begin the search for Johnny and the girl. God forgive him, he did not care if the other man survived or not.

All the children were treated for minor burns and smoke inhalation. Several, including Lisa, were sent to Rampart for further treatment and observation.

Upon finding the Head Mistress of the facility, the Battalion Chief asked her about Mr. Jenkins. "Is he a trustworthy man?" The woman thought it a strange question considering that he was missing. "Mr. Jenkins has been with us for about 6 months. He came from San Diego and had been a guard at a women's jail there. He came highly recommended for his ability to fix almost anything and his knowledge of custodial management."

"Well, ma'am, it seems as though Mr. Jenkins may have been abusing some of the girls. There have been some accusations and the police now consider him a possible child molester." The woman nearly fainted at the notion…she did everything she could to protect these girls. They had already been through so much. Many of them had lost their parents to violent crimes, tragic accidents, or their parents had just given them up for a life of drugs. Now, someone on her staff, was continuing to victimize them. She just did not want to believe it.

"Now that you mention it," she confessed, "I did see Mr. Jenkins going out to his van this morning and he got a gasoline can. I thought he was just using it for the lawn mowers…But, do you think he could have started this fire, too?" The Chief got on the radio to LA dispatch and requested the Arson unit be dispatched to his location along with some detectives from LAPD. This was turning into more of a mess…and, when he added that there was still a missing child and fireman/paramedic…this was a bad day all around.

Roy inched closer and closer to the building…he did not want to wait any longer. It had been 30 minutes since the collapse and he HAD to find Johnny and the girl. He could not wait. He knew Johnny would not wait if it were him inside. The guys saw him and instead of holding him back, Chet, Marco, and even Stoker followed him. As soon as they got the "All Clear" they were back inside the building digging their way to their friend…"God, let him be okay," was everyone's prayer as they chipped away at the debris.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Do you believe in Heaven? Chapter 4

By: FanofRandy

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Emergency! is owned by Universal and Mark VII Productions

Summary: On the scene of a rescue, Johnny is asked a question that he is unsure how to answer. But, by the time all is said and done, he knows the answer for himself. NOTE: Based on the song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan (I know the song was not written until 1997..but, come on, this is all fiction, right?)

WARNING: the topic of child molestation and sexual abuse is touched upon in this story.

Johnny saw nothing but black. He could barely breathe and felt as if the weight of the world had come crashing down on top of him. He could hear familiar sounds…the settling of debris after a collapse, the burning of wood as fire consumes it, and the faint stirring of someone underneath him. "The girl," he gasped. She was under him when the ceiling gave way. He tried to maneuver himself so that he could see her, but it was difficult. He estimated that he had 80 – 90 pounds of sheet rock and ceiling tiles on his back. He could hear her breathing and could feel her moving…that was a good sign.

He remembered the man, Mr. Johnson, Mr. Jackson…something like that. He did not know where he was, but right now, all that mattered was the little girl. Johnny began to push himself up to try to dislodge some of what was on top of him. He felt a shift, but that was his shoulder moving out of place as he stifled a cry. "Why is it so dark?" he heard a very small voice say. "Honey, my name is Johnny Gage, and I promise, I am gonna do everything I can to help you." How long had it been since the collapse? Johnny had lost consciousness, but he did not know how long. He tried to adjust his eyes to the dark and use what was left of the fire to read his watch. It was broken. Well, one good thing was that the collapse had smothered the fire. They were not in danger of burning now…but, being crushed alive was another story all together.

Something kept running through his mind…what in the world? A song? Why now? There was so much to do…he had to dig himself and little girl out, get them out of the basement…but, the words continued…

_Spend all your time waiting, For that second chance_

_For the break that would make it okay_

_There's always some reason to feel not good enough_

_And it's hard at the end of the day_

_I need some distraction, Oh beautiful release_

_Memories seep from my veins_

_That may be empty and weightless and maybe I'll find some peace tonight_

Oh, how he longed for a second chance and some peace…

Roy and the guys continued digging while Cap tried to reach Johnny on the HT. "Engine 51 to HT 51, please respond…" His hails continued to go unanswered.

"Men, it looks like the second floor gave way, too…we have a lot of work ahead of us" Cap said as he put on his gloves and started digging right alongside Chet.

Johnny tried one more time to push up to loosen the pile on his back. This time some of the tiles shifted and he was able to lift his head. He glanced around. He could see that Mr. Jackson—or whatever his name was—had been crushed against the pole and a beam or other piece of debris had taken off part of his head. "_He's not going to be hurting you anymore, little one_" Johnny thought to himself. As Johnny got his right arm free he pushed more and more of the tiles and sheetrock off of his back. He pushed and pulled and was finally able to sit upright and free the small form from beneath him.

He looked down at the little girl…"Gosh," he said aloud, "you look a lot like Jenny". He thought about Jenny DeSoto and the picture he had put up in his locker of her on his shoulders. He pushed the thought from his mind as quickly as it came. "Don't get personally involved…Rule Number One", Dr. Kelly Brackett's voice loud and clear. "_Well, if I have a concussion, it is probably not too bad if I can remember that_", Johnny thought. A tiny voice brought him back to the present, "Mr. Johnny. I can't breathe too good." Johnny half stood, half squatted as he checked her from head to toe for injuries. "Is that better, sweetie?" Johnny asked; knowing that having him move might help her some. "Yes, it is much better" came the reply.

Johnny continued to assess his frail patient, who had lost consciousness again. She had a strong pulse, but her respirations were shallow and he could not check her blood pressure as he had none of his equipment with him. He determined she had a depressed skull fracture and had lost a lot of blood…but, the bleeding seemed under control by what he could tell. Since his vision was limited in the dark, he felt for fresh blood versus dried blood and most of what he could feel had already coagulated…which meant the bleeding had subsided. Well, at least that was some good news. He was concerned about neck and back injuries and would have liked to have a backboard before moving her, but he had to get her out of the hole they were in now to a safer place. He felt around a found a 2 ft. by 3 ft. piece of plywood. He used that as a makeshift backboard and slowly inched in underneath the girl. As he moved her, she again woke up to the pain…she cried out.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to hurt you sweetie. I just need to try to move you and I want to do that as safely as I can. Do you understand?" The little girl's body relaxed and Johnny continued. "What's your name" he asked. "Erin. Erin Ramsey." "Well, Erin Ramsey, that is about the prettiest name I have ever heard. How old are you?" "Eight and a half" came the reply. Johnny smiled…Jenny DeSoto talked in halves and three quarters all the time. "_What is it about women_," Johnny thought. "_When they are younger they always want to be older, and when they are older, they want to be younger. Hmm..I will never understand women—of any age_!"

"Erin, I am going to get you out of here, okay. It may hurt for a little while, but I promise, once I get you out, it will all get better. Okay?" Johnny waited for the reply, but it never came. She had lost consciousness again. How long had they been down here…where was everyone…why was no one coming for them?

Johnny struggled with his left arm—with the dislocated shoulder—to get a grip on the makeshift backboard. He lifted her up as straight as he could, and then got her up over the pile in front of him before he put her back down as gently as he could. Once he put her down, he rested…taking in his own pain and performing an assessment on his injuries. His helmet was still on—WOW—Cap would be proud. So, he thought that head injury was out of the question—though he did have a terrible headache. He moved down to the shoulders and arms…yep, definitely a dislocated left shoulder and probably and broken collar bone. No spinal injuries, and his legs were not broken but he did have a lot of lacerations and had lost some blood, too. All-in-all, he had escaped serious injury. He could not say the same for his young companion.

His anger returned when he remembered what the man had said…something about hurting her and starting the fire. So, Erin was injured before the fire. How long had she been lying there with a huge hole in her skull? How much blood had she lost? There was no way to really know. What time had they gotten the call—11 something? He could estimate the time she had been attacked from the time the call came in…but, that required knowing what time it was right now. And, that information eluded him. He sat down next to Erin and let out a heavy sign-one of exhaustion; frustration; anger; and, yes, he would admit it, fear.

The song popped back in his head again…WHAT, WHY NOW? The lyrics pelted him…

_In the arms of the angel fly away from here_

_From this dark, cold hotel room_

_And the endlessness that you fear_

_You are pulled from the wreckage_

_Of your silent reverie_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find some comfort here._

Pulled from the wreckage…silent reverie…were these lyrics to be his epitaph? Yet they were strangely comforting, too…Just then he heard a familiar sound…a scratchy static and a voice…it was the HT…someone was trying to reach him on the HT. Where in the hell was it? He dove back into the pile of debris to search.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Do you believe in Heaven? Chapter 5

By: FanofRandy

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Emergency! is owned by Universal and Mark VII Productions

Summary: On the scene of a rescue, Johnny is asked a question that he is unsure how to answer. But, by the time all is said and done, he knows the answer for himself. NOTE: Based on the song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan (I know the song was not written until 1997..but, come on, this is all fiction, right?)

WARNING: the topic of child molestation and sexual abuse is touched upon in this story.

"Cap, try the HT again…see if Johnny can hear us digging. See if you can get him to respond" came Roy's plea. "Okay, Pal. Station 51 to HT 51, do you read? Station 51 to HT 51 come in."

There were about fifteen fireman and paramedics digging through the fallen building to find the missing girl and fireman. They were all working on adrenaline. It had been two hours since the collapse of the first floor…how long could they last, if they were alive? Had the fire gotten them? Did they die in the collapse? No man would think about that just now…they had to find them, and they HAD to find them ALIVE.

Johnny finally found the HT. He dusted it off and pressed the button to transmit. "Engine 51, this is HT 51, do you read?" A resounding cheer went up as they heard their friend's voice. "Johnny, this is Cap", to hell with protocol, "Where are you son?" "We are in the basement near the stairs and we need help as soon as possible", Cap and the group of men around him let out a collective sigh when they heard Johnny say, "We".

Cap handed the radio off to Roy and told him to get the assessment and contact Rampart. Let them know that they had a Code I and a child injured trapped in a collapsed building…now for over two hours. They would call with updates as they continued the rescue operation. Roy gladly grabbed the radio. He practically yelled into it, "Are you okay, Junior?" Johnny smiled at the nickname Roy used for him. Many men his age would be offended by the term, but Johnny liked it and it gave him comfort right now and he would take all of that he could get.

"Roy, we are okay…the fire was smothered except for a few burning embers. There isn't much smoke, so I am saving the oxygen. I am doing fine except for my right shoulder is messed up. But, Erin has a depressed skull fracture and possibly some neck and spinal injuries. Roy, I think she's been…" Johnny paused, he wanted to vomit…the words would not come out of his mouth. Roy eased his partner's angst, "Johnny, we know about the abuse." "_What? How? How could they know about this_?" Johnny thought…but, again it brought him a peace (what did that song say again…"_maybe I'll find some peace tonight".)_ But, it did not last long…there was a slight shift above them and some dust and debris began to fall. Johnny instinctively threw his body over Erin's to protect her from more injuries.

"Johnny, Johnny. Are you still there?" Roy's impatience was evident in his voice, which was out of character. "Yeah, Pally, I'm here. But, whatever you guys are doing up there, it is causing some problems down here. There is more stuff falling from above. You will have to find another way down unless you want to bury us down here for good." Johnny's last words stunned Roy. "That is the LAST thing I would want Partner! We will regroup and plan another strategy. Let me know how Erin is doing?" Johnny did not pause this time to wonder how Roy knew the girl's name, he filled Roy in on her pulse and respirations and told him about the bleeding. Now, all there was left to do was wait…"Roy."

"Yeah, John." Roy noted a more serious tone in Johnny's voice, so he responded in kind. "How long have we been down here?" came the question. Glancing at his watch, Roy replied, "Nearly 3 hours, Johnny. We think it could be another 2 or 3 before we break through…this debris is pretty unstable and there are still fires popping up here and there." Roy knew that Erin would not make it another 2 or 3 hours by what information Johnny had relayed. He said another silent prayer, "_God, please be with my friend and this little girl. Protect him from the tragedy that is about to unfold_."

"Two or three hours," Johnny muttered aloud to no one. He looked at Erin lying next to him…his eyes had adjusted enough that he could see her face and long, golden brown hair. He knew she would not be able to last that long…not with the type of head injury she had. If it had not already happened, she would develop a blood clot that would put pressure on her brain…causing all her bodily functions to shut down…kidneys and other organs, lungs and then, her heart. She would not be coming out of this hell hole alive…

She stirred next to him…he saw her eyes flutter and then open. "Welcome back, Erin. I've been waiting to see those pretty eyes of yours. How are you feeling sweetie?" Erin looked up at him with a look that he recognized—it was one of utter trust and faith—Jenny looked at him with those same eyes the first time he put her on a horse. "Mr. Johnny, are we going to get out of here soon?" She asked…what was he going to say? He said the only thing he could, "Yes, Erin, we are going to get out of here real soon."

The song lyrics came back again…

_So tired of the straight line And everywhere you turn_

_There's vultures and thieves at your back_

_The storm keeps on twisting You keep on building the lies_

_That you make up for all that you lack_

_It don't make no difference_

_Escaping one last time it's easier to believe_

_In this sweet madness oh this glorious sadness_

_That brings me to my knees_

"_You keep on building the lies"_…Yes, Johnny had just lied, but he would do it again, if it meant that she would feel safe and cared for in her last moments of life.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Do you believe in Heaven? Chapter 6

By: FanofRandy

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Emergency! is owned by Universal and Mark VII Productions

Summary: On the scene of a rescue, Johnny is asked a question that he is unsure how to answer. But, by the time all is said and done, he knows the answer for himself. NOTE: Based on the song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan (I know the song was not written until 1997..but, come on, this is all fiction, right?)

WARNING: the topic of child molestation and sexual abuse is touched upon in this story.

They started digging in another spot…according to the building plans, this would put them right near the stairs once they broke through. Men were passing out from sheer exhaustion. No one wanted to take a break. All they could think of was Johnny Gage and Erin Ramsey and those two precious lives that needed saving. So, they kept digging…

Roy took a deep breath. It had been about 20 minutes since he last heard from Johnny. "Hey, Johnny, wanna give me an update for Rampart?" Roy knew that keeping things as professional as possible would help him keep it together; he was hoping it would do the same for Johnny. "Um, well, Erin is awake and alert. She is asking for ice cream, so that must be a good sign." Roy knew Johnny was saying these things because Erin was listening. "And, you Junior? What about you?" Johnny had felt the blood trickling down his right arm for a while now…but, he did not want to alarm anyone—especially Erin. "I'm doing pretty good, Pally. Just get us out of here soon so we can get that ice cream, huh?" Unbeknownst to Johnny, the button on the HT was stuck in transmit mode. The blood had dried and caked onto the radio and he was no longer able to receive transmissions from Roy. But, Roy and everyone could hear all that Johnny was saying to Erin…

"Erin, we are going to get out of here soon. You will be able to get that ice cream and a nice hot bath and we will both get a good night's sleep tonight, huh?" Johnny was trying to stay positive. Erin smiled up at him. She asked, "Mr. Johnny, do you have any children?" Roy heard this and knew that the question probably pierced Johnny's heart. Everyone thought of Johnny as a "certified bachelor", but Roy saw how Johnny played with his kids, how he cared for them, and the heart he had for all children. Johnny did, indeed want to have children one day…

"No, I don't have any of my own children, Erin. But, I have a friend. His name is Roy and he has these two really great kids. Their names are Chris and Jenny. Chris is a boy and he is 14 and Jenny is just a little older than you." Roy was in tears hearing Johnny describe how important his children were to him. Everyone who was not digging was listening to the dialogue between the fireman and the little girl. "What color hair does Jenny have?" Erin asked "Oh," Johnny began, "It's about the same color as yours and she usually wears it in braids down her back. She loves to put ribbons in her hair." "Oh, I love to put ribbons in my hair, too. But, when mommy went away, there was no one to help me put them in anymore."

"Where did your mommy go, Erin" Johnny asked…mostly to just keep her talking. "My daddy hurt me and her a lot. And, one day, he just hurt her so bad she never woke up. Kinda like Mr. Jenkins hurt me, Mr. Johnny." Oh, know…did she really know her fate? "What do you mean, Erin?" Johnny asked with his voice rising. "Well, Mr. Jenkins would bring me down here and do things to me…bad things. He was not a nice man and my daddy was not a nice man either. They both hurt me and now I just want to go to Heaven to be with Jesus so no one can hurt me again." All the men outside were strong and brave, but her words reduced them to mush in seconds. There was not a dry eye as she continued.

"Do you believe in Heaven, Mr. Johnny?" Did he? He was not sure. That is not what he learned in his culture. Native Americans believe in a Creator and an "afterlife" but, Heaven…"Yes, Erin. I believe in Heaven." "_More lies_", Johnny thought. "Mr. Johnny, I am cold." Johnny took off his turnout coat and draped it over the little girl. Her respirations were slowing…she was fading. "Mr. Johnny, can you hold me please? Can you rock me to sleep like my mommy used to do before, well before she went away?" Johnny could not think, he had just stopped all thinking and feeling. He slowly leaned over her and wrapped his coat around her body and lifted her up into his arms. The pain was excruciating as his left arm was nearly useless, but he had to make her comfortable. He was able to get his left arm wrapped around her and held it steady with his right hand. He had not noticed that he no longer held the radio…the only thing that mattered was Erin.

Erin flinched in pain a bit as he settled her into his lap. He apologized for hurting her, but she did not answer. Once they were settled, each one felt more safe and secure. Erin felt the warmth of Johnny's chest and the beating of his heart on her cheek and, for once, she felt safe in a man's arms. Johnny felt Erin's small frame fit perfectly into his lap. His chin rested on her head as he began to slowly rock back and forth. As he did, he hummed a tune that had been chasing him all day long…and the lyrics came, again…

_In the arms of the angel fly away from here_

_From this dark, cold hotel room_

_And the endlessness that you fear_

_You are pulled from the wreckage _

_Of your silent reverie_

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find some comfort here._

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find some comfort here._

As he slowly rocked and hummed, he felt his eyes get heavy and he finally gave into the darkness he had been fighting for so long…the sweet surrender of unconsciousness flowed over him…

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Do you believe in Heaven? Chapter 7

By: FanofRandy

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Emergency! is owned by Universal and Mark VII Productions

Summary: On the scene of a rescue, Johnny is asked a question that he is unsure how to answer. But, by the time all is said and done, he knows the answer for himself. NOTE: Based on the song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan (I know the song was not written until 1997..but, come on, this is all fiction, right?)

WARNING: the topic of child molestation and sexual abuse is touched upon in this story.

They broke through…the stairs were miraculously clear. They made their way down to the basement which had become a tomb for at least two people that day. Cap called in two Code F's and One Code I. Chet and Roy had to actually PRY Erin from Johnny's arms. Though he was unconscious, Johnny was not going to let Erin go. A yellow blanket was put over her small frame before she was carried out on a stokes. Roy got busy assessing Johnny. He was surprised that Johnny had actually given a pretty accurate account of his injuries…except for a large laceration on his right shoulder that was still bleeding freely. By the amount of blood pooling, it looked like it may begun to clot until Johnny took off his turnout coat to put it over Erin. He had lost a lot of blood, but he would certainly live to see another day.

As they loaded him on the stretcher, his hand opened and something fell from it. In all the commotion to get Johnny to the hospital and end this horrible nightmare, it seemed that no one noticed a small white hair ribbon falling to the ground.

Dr. Brackett was ready for the worst. Roy had been providing updates on Johnny and Erin's condition. They were all devastated at the Base Station when Roy radioed in that Erin had died. They had all hoped that BOTH Johnny and Erin would live through this day. Johnny was wheeled into Trauma Room 3. Short work was made of his clothing and he was washed down and injuries once again assessed. Dr. Brackett ordered a full skull series…knowing Gage it was best to be certain; x-rays of the left shoulder and a full spine series to be safe. He called in one of the best Orthopedic doctors to set Johnny's shoulder.

Dr. Brackett knew that they would be able to fix all of Johnny's injuries—at least the physical ones. What this had done to Johnny emotionally and mentally would be another story. He did not wish anything like this to happen to his worst enemy, let alone this young man he considered to be a friend. Yes, Johnny would have scars…but, unfortunately, most of them would be hidden.

The next day, there were 20 or 30 firemen at Rampart waiting to hear news about Johnny Gage. They were told that he was stable and had been assigned to a private room. However, he was not receiving visitors, other than family, until he regained consciousness. "_There was no reason for Johnny to be asleep_" Roy thought to himself. The sedatives they gave him when they put in the sutures had worn off hours ago and there was no apparent head injury. If Johnny wasn't awake, it was because he did not want to be awake. Roy had heard of it before, in VietNam…they called it "hysterical coma". Those guys had been through hell and their brains just did not want to wake up to the reality of it all. Who could blame them? Who could blame Johnny? They had only listened to the last conversations he had with a dying little girl…Johnny had actually LIVED it. Who could blame him for not wanting to wake up?

The men of Station 51's A-Shift were Johnny's family. They sat by his bed in a vigil…never letting him be alone. It was 2:30 in the morning and Mike Stoker was "on duty" when Johnny first woke up. His eyes fluttered and he shifted in bed. Mike scooted closer to the bed and took Johnny's right hand in his. "Hey, Johnny, you back with us?" Johnny turned his head to Mike and smiled a crooked smile. This told Mike that Johnny was going to be okay…somehow, some way; Johnny would make it through this.

"Hey, Mike. How you doin'?" he choked out. Mike brought a cup of water to Johnny's lips and he took one sip and then another. "How long have I been here?" Johnny asked. "Three days" was the answer. Johnny closed his eyes again, pushing past the pain, he took a deep breath, "Mike, do you believe in Heaven?"

Mike had heard the men talking about the words they heard exchanged between his friend and, Erin…he knew what Johnny was asking and why…he waited to reply…Johnny continued, "She asked me if I believed in Heaven, Mike. I told her I did. After I picked her up and began rocking her, something came over me and I just felt so tired. I did not want to go to sleep, but I couldn't fight it any longer. I opened my eyes and there was this bright light. I thought at first it was one of the guys searchin' for us…a flashlight beam or something. But, the more I let my eyes adjust; it was just this bright light that was all around me.

I looked down and she was still in my arms. Erin was still in my arms. It was like she wasn't dead, but only sleeping. I felt her body next to my chest and she actually felt warm, Mike. She felt warm. I just knew I was dreaming when this voice broke the silence. It was a voice I cannot describe…it said, 'Give her to me'. I did not know what to do…I felt compelled to do as I was told, but I was afraid, too. The voice said it again and then these two arms reached out of the light and the voice said, 'Give her to me. You did your job. Now it's time to put her in my arms where she belongs.' What do you think of that, Mike? Do you think that was Heaven?" Johnny stopped talking and took a deep breath again.

Mike looked at his friend. They had not talked much about religion—in fact they all stayed away from talks of politics, religion and money (well, mostly). But, Mike, seeing that his friend needed something to hold onto continued…"Yes, Johnny, I do believe in Heaven. I think Heaven is a place with no pain, no tears and a place where we will feel love for all eternity." Johnny smiled at the thought. He continued his dream/vision story, "Mike, when I put Erin into the arms…she woke up. She opened her eyes and I saw her totally transform. The dust and soot disappeared. The head wound was healed. And, she was dressed in this beautiful white gown with white ribbons in her hair. I felt that I had done the right thing by placing her in those arms…I just raised my hand to caress her cheek and then she was gone. I thought I felt something in my hand, but I could feel the light fading and I could hear other voices I recognized—Roy, Chet, you and Cap…and, then it all went away. Whatdya' think it means, Mike? Why was I able to save her, only to have her slip away and die anyway?"

Mike had picked something up that night. He did not know why. But, he kept it in his coat pocket. He looked at his friend whose eyes were brimming with tears and said, "Johnny, we cannot understand why things happen sometimes—you, of all people should know that. But, sometimes, Johnny, we are given glimpses into the "why's" and it changes us. Maybe Johnny, you were sent to Erin to show her that there are men who can care for her and keep her safe in this world so that she could feel safe as she passed from this life into the next. Maybe, Johnny, Erin was sent to you…so you could know the unconditional love a child could have just for you. Johnny, that night, when they got you on the stretcher…everyone was buzzing around you and when they loaded you into the ambulance, I saw something on the ground. It was the smallest of somethings—easily overlooked—but, I picked it up. And, now, hearing your 'dream', I know why. Here Johnny, I think this is for you." Mike pulled from his pocket and handed Johnny a small white hair ribbon. Johnny took it is his hand and remembered how it had fallen from her hair as he brushed his hand across her cheek one last time…He knew what he believed now and he had not lied to Erin. He did believe in Heaven, and he now believed in angels, too.

_You're in the arms of the angel_

_May you find some comfort here._

Author's Note: This was a cathartic journey for me…I work with hurting people every day and sometimes I just think they need to be held and rocked like little children in their mothers' arms. I pray that the "religion" stuff does not turn anyone off. I am a Christian, and believe in Heaven and Hell. This will come out in my stories—it is part of who I am. Please accept me for me and I will do the same for every one of you. Peace and grace.


	8. Prologue

Title: Do you believe in Heaven? Prologue

By: FanofRandy

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. Emergency! is owned by Universal and Mark VII Productions

Summary: On the scene of a rescue, Johnny is asked a question that he is unsure how to answer. But, by the time all is said and done, he knows the answer for himself. NOTE: Based on the song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan (I know the song was not written until 1997..but, come on, this is all fiction, right?)

WARNING: the topic of child molestation and sexual abuse is touched upon in this story.

It had been six weeks since the fire and collapse at the children's home. Johnny had returned to work—his collar bone had not been broken-and things were nearly normal. Roy did notice that Johnny had been spending more time at his house, and he was always welcome. But, when Johnny was there, he spent a lot of time with Jenny. He would sit with her for hours—not even doing anything in particular…and, sometimes he would find Johnny watching Jenny sleeping after he put her to bed and read her a story. Roy and JoAnne let Johnny have this time…they knew that he was sharing a special love that he had gotten from another little girl named Erin.

It was the day of the big party in the pediatrics unit. Johnny had outdone himself on the snacks and food…he always seemed to ensure any leftovers were taken care of, though. Callie, the Pediatric Nurse, watched Johnny from across the room. She admired his ease with children…they trusted him like no other adult. He was so free with them and, it seemed, unhindered. Callie had heard about what had happened the previous month. Johnny had not shared any of it with her…and, she did not ask. But, she could see a slight sadness in his eyes the last few times he had come to visit the children.

The Children's Home was being rebuilt and would be a state-of-the art facility to provide a home for children awaiting foster placement and adoption. Many of the children who were injured in the fire had already been placed and there were 50 adoptions pending approval after Johnny's story was published in the paper. Johnny did not give any comment—he was not one to seek out attention like that. But, his story was told none-the-less and it made a difference.

Johnny had gathered the children around for the story-telling time. This was their favorite time. Roy and JoAnne had brought Chris and Jenny, and they were helping Johnny get all the children in their seats and settled. Roy put his arm across JoAnne's shoulder, pulling her close. They looked into each other's eyes and there was a "knowing" between the two—yes, it was as if they had THREE children. And, they were thankful they were all safe and, right now, they were very proud of them, too.

Johnny sat down to begin his story, and a hush came over the children. They had heard stories of how the Great Spirit created the world; how the turtle beat the rabbit in a race; and, so much more. Johnny never disappointed them with his stories. Johnny, still a little sore at times, squatted down into one of the small children's chairs to begin his story.

Johnny smiled—it lit up the room. The children all smiled back. "This story, children," Johnny began, "is about a little girl and a fireman who showed each other what love really is." And, he began…

Six months later, the LA County Children's Home was dedicated. Johnny had been invited to speak during part of the program. There was a part of the building, a large playroom with everything a child could imagine, being dedicated to Erin Ramsey's memory. Johnny had a lump in his throat as he approached the podium after he was introduced. Johnny thanked everyone for coming and said a few words he would not even remember later. Johnny cleared his throat and continued, "Children need to feel safe. It is our responsibility as adults to keep them safe. This room will be a safe place for the children living here to play. The room is named for a very dear friend of mine who finally found her safe place." As Jonny finished, he pulled the sheet off the dedication plaque and it read:

**Erin's Heaven**

**Dedicated in the Memory of Erin Ramsey**

"**Jesus said, "****Let ****the ****little ****children**** come to me, **

**and do not hinder them, **

**for ****the**** kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." **

**Matthew 19:14**

Johnny let a tear slip down his cheek as he heard the applause. He knew that this would be a place where children felt safe, and that made him happy. He still had some healing to do…but, he would be okay. He even had a date later that night…with Callie, the nurse from Pediatrics.

The End (or, maybe not)


End file.
